Days and nights mixed up? Or how a special needs toddler truly became a pain in the arse

Ryan has taken to not sleeping through the night and then needing a sleeping beauty style nap during the day. imageIt all came to a head on Saturday. I was up until one o’clock playing with my Cricut and making animals for Ryan’s pre-school. (100% crazy of me and 1000% voluntary).

Finally I went to bed, just as I dozed off, I hear Momma, Mommy, my,my,my. Over and over. So I do nothing. We are trying not to indulge her. I tell myself. She isn’t crying, she is safe, she should be sleeping. Well I tell myself that for an hour and then I convince myself something is wrong and I’m a horrible mother because I am not checking on her.

So I get a diaper, some tube food ready and I go to the drama queen, because that is what she is.  She is hanging out in her bed happy, sure she is wet, but not through and through.  Yes, she is hungry, but not starved.  What she is, is a stinker.  So I play my favorite night time game with her, called, Snuggle or Nothing.  She wanted to run around, so nothing it was and back in her bed she went.  (Side note, if not for the crib tent she would be roaming the halls at best, climbing over the bannister at worst)

Now it is about three and I go back to bed, and I listen to her talk for another hour.  Micah wakes up now too and so we both listen.  At five he gets up, she “officially” gets up too and I sleep until eight.

WTF is right! Finally at nine she goes to sleep and slept until two thirty.  We watched the imitation game and I made more Cricut animals  (obsessed)

Last night we put her down around 9:30, and she slept until 4:45 or so this morning.  Now it is ten and she is back in bed.  Our plan is to give up the nap, we know that, that is what is happening.  But how do we get her back on track?

I am only letting her sleep for an hour now, and then up for the rest of the day and bed at 7:00 tonight

wish us luck


Please enjoy my Cricut creations!!!


A couple of quickies!!’

forgive all grammar and punctuation please. iPhone blogging is a pain in the keister.

ryan starts school next week!

Our favorite babysitter is going back to school, we had a little send off dinner tonight

i have so many house pimageimage image imagerojects that I can’t put them off any longer

ryan now says four words!!!! Hi, go, me and Momma my.  She is starting to use them appropriately as well. Or at least I think so

She is an ace with my phone, and likes nothing more than watching videos of herself.  So I have asked all of our friends with little kids to send us some videos of their kids counting, reciting the abc’s or singing a nursery rhyme.  She loves them so much, especially the ABC’s and Old Macdonald.

I finally hung more things on the walls and I love our post-fire family room rug!!!!

I miss having a computer. My thumbs and wrists hurt. Once we find out original purchase receipt, I can persue restitution.


I’m the Firestarter

this time I have a totally legit reason to have been so absent. On Wednesday my laptop exploded. I was sitting on the couch, it exploded. I am fine, the laptop, the rug, and the ottoman are done.

I am getting all of my ducks in a row to contact the manufacturer, to get the house in order, Ryan’s first week of school and finally in-packing the dining room

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Please don’t leave. I’m going to try from my phone for now. Short and sweet the entries shall be.

Our House was a very, very, very nice house, with two trees in the yard and then life got too hard

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This is a post about our old house.  The house that we sold at the end of last year.  The house that we took from a teardown and made it a home.  We’d planned on living in it for the rest of our lives,  it was the house we brought Ryan home too.  Yeah, that house.  I’m waxing poetic about it, I’m very nostalgic for this house and I miss it and our friends a lot.  Why now, you ask, why am I talking about it now? Well the woman we sold it to at the end of last year has already sold it and new folks have already moved in.  Our buyer emailed me that it was happening.  She got an amazing job opportunity in another state, that she could not pass up.  My first thought was WAIT! Why didn’t you call me, we would have bought it back!

Well that isn’t exactly true, but that is what my heart wanted.  I also found out that she sold the house for a lot more than she bought it for, and I feel like that was our money, because well it was.  She certainly benefited from buying our house in the winter and selling in a bit of a better market and a better season.  This is the part where I get a little bitter, and I challenge any of you to go through the same thing and not feel the same way.  We lost $ on the house, if you consider all that we put in to it, and she put barely anything in (she shared with me what she had done, I am not making assumptions) and made a tidy sum.  But that isn’t what really has me upset.

I’m upset, as Micah helped me realize because I wasn’t emotionally done with that house yet, and her email brought all of that back up to the surface.  Normally you move because you are done in your house, you want a new house, you need a bigger/smaller house, you can afford more, you need to pay less, you come to the decision and you move on.  That didn’t happen for me.  When we moved to TX for a two year trial, we rented out the house, and for those years, I looked forward to moving home.  Micah and I would sit around an I-Pad for countless hours drawing out kitchen renovation plans, I pinterested non-stop for design ideas, I dreamed and then reality hit and I had to put on my big girl pants, again.  We weren’t done with that house, not by far, we sold it for Ryan.  We wanted an easier house for Ryan, in a school district that was inclusive.  We got that and listen, I am proud of us, I believe that we did the right thing for our girl and that I will never regret.  That pride is enough for Micah, he has put the house in a memory box in his mind and already moved on, but I’m a ruminator, so ruminate I shall.  I would of course move for Ryan again, every single time.  However in my ideal world for us, and our family, we live in that house.

A house is more than four walls, and these new four need a lot of work to make them feel like home.  I feel like we are still living in a bit of limbo, or in another rental.  When Ryan goes back to school I am going to be a whirling dervish, and get this house “homed” up.  I need to continue to branch out and make some local friends.  I am a homebody at heart yet I need some adult conversations daily to be happy.

Oh and I scored a $10.00 dresser and a $20.00 nightstand online for the guest room!!


A dump, a bunch, and of course a ramble

I have not kept my promise to you, I apologize.  I don’t have an excuse, I just haven’t had much going on.  Does anyone want to read about a regular life in the suburbs?  If you do keep going, if not I understand and I will see you again soon.


1. Ryan was chosen to be in the annual photo exhibit for her therapy center.  This is a huge honor and there will be a photo exhibit/unveiling in October.  I won’t even get to see the pictures until then and yes it is killing me.  For monetary reasons we have decided to use these photo shoots as Ryan’s Four Year photo.  It seemed silly not to, as the photographer is a professional and for us there is no cost.  There is also no control (other than outfit(s)), the therapy center wants to see and show Ryan in a certain way, and I want her to look like a porcelain doll or a joyous little girl.  The sessions were in her play room, her bedroom, at the park, at a splash pad and in our backyard.  The goal was to capture Ryan as Ryan, so I expect she will be running, swinging, or feeling something in the photo.

2. The damn bathroom refresh is stalled.  I want to wait until Ryan is back in school to paint the vanity.  I need more than an hour here or there to get it done/dry/cleaned up without a four year old touching it.  The same goes for the bannister

3. Micah and I have switched our financial focus to becoming 100% debt free, the house re-model/move cost more than we expected, we still have a car payment, and of course all of Ryan’s extra therapies.  So we are tighter than we would like to be, and I am not ashamed to say it.  When I left my well paying job to stay home with Ryan it really put a crunch on things.  Micah has a wonderful job, and a very nice salary, but our life costs a lot, some of it is our fault and some of it isn’t, so we just need to bear down.  No biggie, we are still very lucky and I am not claiming that we are in need of help, just that we are in need of some self-regulation.  So I am working up a little business idea.  Just to give us some more breathing room and not have to actually get off track with paying down the debt.  Having said that I hate being so responsible and it’s only been a few weeks, since we imposed the don’t buy it if we don’t need it or eat it hammer.

4. Having said that, I am going to try to keep moving on the house and spend very little per project.  I’m going to share it all as a challenge to myself.

5. Ryan is going to be in her therapy center’s fashion show again this year and I am trying to put together an outfit for her, that doesn’t look like Toddler’s & Tiara’s, but can be seen by all of those in attendance as our lighting bolt runs down the runway.  September 19th!  At what age is sequins appropriate??? Kidding (kind of).


6. I don’t have Diabetes.  Great, but I’m too unhealthy and I need to get my butt in gear.  So I’m also going to be giving up my beloved Coca Cola soon.  I am wrapping my mind around it right now, and I will do it, but I don’t want to make a big deal about it, yet at the same time for me (Coca Cola ADDICT) this is a big deal.

7. Ryan starts school in a few weeks, and I feel like we haven’t had much of a summer.  We chose to keep her in therapy (ABA) four days a week and a private speech therapy, and OT, a PT, and a swim lesson on some of those days or on the one weekday off.  Ryan is also still on a medication that makes her overheat very easily.  As you know from watching every news story these days overheating is very dangerous for toddlers and it can quickly go downhill, so we have been spending a lot of time in our home.  The beach is the worse thing that can happen for our g-tube gal, and a bathing suit is my personal hell right now, so you get what I am saying.  Thank goodness for the basement playroom, but I really hope that next year we take a little bit more time for our little family, so we can enjoy some summertime festivities.


8. Ryan is coming along.  She is really doing great actually.  If you call her name she will turn her head.  If you ask her to give you five, she will put up her hand, she turns off the light switch and knows what she is doing, she is more appropriate in bathroom’s, she is working on feeding herself with a fork, she has started chirping, which is great actually as it is a lot of new vocal sounds and she is doing it when she wants something.  Today we asked her to say please for another fish cracker and she chirped something that Micah and I both heard as a Please.

talk soon





A bathroom full of flaws and snafu’s and yet it makes me so happy

sorry, I’ve been painting and watching a lot of Odd Mom Out and Catastrophe lately.

image image image imageI have a post I want to write about Catastrophe (Amazon prime, British comedy, LOVE), but I don’t want to spoil it for anyone. Let me know and I will wait, but do watch it.

ok on to my new happy place. I am so in love with our hall bathroom. It isn’t done. The vanity stymies me, but I will get there. I have made tons of progress and I will share a finished project soon. I have also made a bunch of mistakes. I have the wrong artwork up and in the wrong spots so I have to fix that. I have a lot of touch up painting to do. I still have to paint the vanity, get the faucet changed, deal with the boob fixture and address the rug and shower curtain.

to save money and with DIY in mind. I attempted to dye our new white shower curtain.  I wanted it linen, it came out baby poop brown so I bleached it. Big mistake, huge.

I wanted to paint and stain the laundry shoot door. So I painted the  trim white and stained the door ebony. I am happy with my work, but wish I had switched the order. The white trim is lost in the cream wall.  Chalk painting the vanity is scaring me. I found a workshop, but it is $80, I would rather buy a Dash and Albert bathroom rug instead.

I also have to frame out the tiny medicine cabinet mirror and of course buy a new shower curtain. The original budget of $100 is blown.  Maybe I was too naive, so I’ve been selling stuff we don’t need or want anymore on Facebook to make it up.

Next few days, Ryan’s first Cubs game, a visit from our St Louis friends and a play date with an old classmate




The best 1461 days of my life

Today is Ryan’s fourth birthday.  Four huge and fast years in our lives, the best four by far.  Today we had a really chill day, we had Occupational Therapy in the morning and then a trip to the super market, even birthday girl’s need food.  A nice long nap, a little Mommy and Ryan photo shoot and then we went to the park with our favorite babysitter, and we were eventually joined by more friends and the birthday girl’s Daddy.

Ryan played well enough with the other kids, she liked having them near, and went right up to them, and then ran away.  One little fella kept talking to her and wanting her to play, and she didn’t understand and kept running away and over to the swings, then back to the jungle gym again and again.

We are having a little party for her on Saturday and hopefully by then I will have the upstairs bath done and be ready to share photos of it too.

You will notice that for me, she was not too happy to take a picture, and then friends and Micah arrived and it was all happy four year old smiles!

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