Happy Easter to everyone, though today I haven’t been that happy. The morning began with me (like you) frantically trying to get Ryan, Micah and myself ready for church. Micah was singing in the church band for the first time and I really wanted to see it. Our church has a great playroom, but I can’t just leave Ryan there, so I brought silent toys that interest her, snacks, and her stroller. We let her run for the first fifteen minutes we were there while Micah was warming up and getting ready and then at the start of the service we heard a few songs (by now she is in the stroller, BTW) and then she just started getting antsy and having a mini-melt down. I didn’t want to ruin it for Micah, I knew he would be distracted if she was fussing in front of him, so with a smirk of apology to him I took her to the playroom.
I was already a bit on edge, getting the gal to wear tights and shoes is really hard, and that was a big part of her Easter Ensemble, we live in the chilly Midwest damnit. So at first it was just me and the Pickle in the playroom. She ran here, she ran there, she licked everywhere. I chased, I shut doors, I put toys in the “to be washed” bin.
Then a few typical little girls came in to the room. They came without a parent and they started to play. A big sister, her little sister, and their cousin. The little’s were both three, and what you don’t understand unless you have lost a child or are a special needs Mom, a typical child who is the same age and gender as your special needs child is your Kryptonite.
These two little girls were talking, playing hide-and-go-seek and making up games that made sense. Sure the big sister was bossing them around, but they understood her and were generally keeping up, though their hiding places were very obvious. Why, why can’t Ryan be like that. Why can’t Ryan tell people about her trip to some place in St. Louis and show off the plush toy she got in her Easter basket that morning, which she’d already named Pepper or Pep for short. Why can’t that be my girl?? I’m a good person, I’ve generally followed all of the rules and done everything the “right way”, why can’t I have that little girl? See kryptonite, I don’t feel this way most of the time, but every now and then it smacks me in the face and it sends me down a bad path for a little bit.
These girls so happily playing had no regard for Ryan whatsoever. She wasn’t cute and little to them, she wasn’t sweet and silly, she was invisible. No Mommy was telling them to talk to Ryan and on their own they didn’t want to so they didn’t.
I didn’t step in because I wanted to see how things would play out and I don’t think that it is appropriate for me to make other little girls engage with my Ryan. These little girls broke my heart again, not because they were so awesomely typical, but because they were shunning my Pickle and she didn’t even notice. She was invisible and I was crying in a playroom and that also went unnoticed.
So the second church was over, Micah came to get us and we left. At home I put my pajama’s back on and sat on the couch for a bit before we had to go to my Sister’s house. Ryan took a nap, Micah and I vacuumed the living room and packed a few toys up to move to the new house. I made a side dish, Micah finished off his deviled eggs, I got re-dressed then we woke Ryan up and went to my Sister’s house for “Easter”. An half hour late.
Things settled down once there, I got some shoeless and tightless pictures of Ryan outside my Sister’s house and then a miracle happened. Six kids between 6th grade and a Freshman in college focused all of their attention on Ryan and entertained her for hours. It was so nice, I wish that I could bottle all of them up and have them all rotate in and out of our house on a daily basis, as my anti-kryptonite.